Where I am From

I am from sun-filled days in the field, my brother and I dancing with sugar beet tops on our heads like we were Indians with headdresses.  
I am from a man's world where the boys were more valued, and the girls where the homemakers who should keep their belly's sucked in.
I am from that basement where I lived in MY world, the girl who could do anything: fashion designer, astronaut, pilot, inventor, singer, dancer, writer.  
I am from the world where upon emerging, the world set about to crush those dreams out of the girl.
And yet I clung to myself.
I am from the world of jocks being esteemed, the brains were geeks.
And yet I clung to myself.
I am from a world that values money over authenticity;  values looks over compassion; safety over freedom.  Teaches that you are not enough even as you come from the womb....
I am from loving the boy to distraction and the world we created with our inside jokes and made up words.
I am from losing myself when I lost him.
I am from becoming a better mother when I had less to mother.
I am from a world that gradually convinced me that the self I clung to was the mistake.  That I should be different and do more.
I am from a family of strong women, whose legacy I was terrified to make my own, and that when it came to pass, left me feeling a failure.
I am from feeling so crushed when I woke up and realized I was nothing I thought I should be.
I am from having to find that self I had clung to, buried deep within, and realizing I was there all along, I just hadn't been listening.
I am from the knowing.
I am from the knowing that none of the world's expectation need be my own.  
From the knowing that we all are born just as we need to be and can embrace that at any moment--needs letting go.
Letting go is hard, when just a short distance away, revolves the world, ready to suck you in and make you forget. When goals you've set are from the world, but you are from the universe.
I am from you.  
I am from everything, and nothing.
I am.