I keep hearing all these negative things:  "self absorbed" "self involved" 
"they think it is all about them"
but itsn't it?  I mean, we live in our own heads, we know no other way of expressing ourselves BUT through our own experiences.  Why should I feel guilty for being me when I know of no other way to be?  Just for the record, those things weren't being applied to me, but I wonder if they could be, by those people making the claims and if when they do, if they aren't doing that exact thing by expressing what THEIR OWN experience is......

Hmmm...just writing that title, makes me pause to think....well, what is fair?  Would it be more fair if it was someone else going through it?  Or if no one had to go through it at all? Or if this something just affected another area of my life, but not this one?
How do you resolve that something you love to do and that you feel like you've only just begun to explore, and makes you feel alive......you just can't do anymore.  And how do you keep from being trapped in the story of it wasn't my fault, I didn't deserve it. When here it is.  And it can't be changed.
There is a lesson to be learned here.  One I'm not entirely sure I can engage in right now. For some reason I am completely stuck in not being able to love myself right now.  Stuck in how can I love me when I can't give myself or manifest what I think I need to be happy? Or that I keep myself stuck in even wanting those things?
Yeah, that's the big one. That desperate yearning for. What do you do? Squash it? Accept it and hope? Accept that it won't happen and move on?
I know the answer is to love myself through it, but frankly I'm exhausted.   I'm exhausted from trying to live from my integrity when others don't seem bothered to do so. I'm exhausted from trying to be the person that I would want to have a relationship with, because you get out what you put in, right? No guarantee. In fact, I would have to say that in my "experiments", the results are about 90% against that hypothesis.  Do I know that doesn't mean it's an absolute? Of course, but I do have to ask myself if it is something worth pursuing any longer.
Maybe it's time to just go to my corner again. I get almost, if not more, out of that than I do in trying so effing hard.  After all, I should practice what I preach, and just Be. 

This is for the days when our hearts hurt like hell, pulsating with a fierce, fiery pain.

This is for the days when we bite back tears, trying too hard to swallow them whole.

This is for the days when our souls feel heavy, so we slump our tired shoulders down, down, down.

This is for the days when getting out of bed feels like a bad-ass, award-winning achievement.

This is for the days when we tremble with anger, our temper on super-short hairline-triggers.

This is for the days when we feel empty, useless and invisible, like a hungry ghost.

Yes.

This is for those really tough days.

The days that rip us wide open, leaving us naked and exhausted, shivering in the dark.

The days where we just want to give up.

The days where we want to run far, far, away.

But, we can’t.

We can’t run. Or hide. Or give up.

Because if we did, the only person we would be running from is ourselves.

We would be giving up on ourselves.

Hiding from ourselves.

So, yes, we can try to bail and haphazardly fling ourselves under a fast-moving bus when the going gets tough.

But the thing is—we actually need ourselves the most on those f*cking tough, trying and terrible days.

Let’s stay.

Let’s stick it out.

We don’t need to understand what we’re feeling.

We don’t need to analyze it.

We just need to stay and support the sh*t out of ourselves.

How?

What can we do?

We can be bold and dive right into the toughness of the day, feeling the icy water drip into our hearts, freezing to form incredibly beautiful icicles.

We can run directly towards ourselves, sprinting with wide open arms, a supportive smile and a glass of succulent red wine.

We can buy our battered souls a big bouquet of blossoming flowers.

We can clear a space and cry a thousand crystalline drops till the skies clear and our salty tear-rain has passed.

We can run our soul a frothy bubble bath, slip into mile-high lavender bubbles and take a breath.

We can retreat from the world, burrow under our covers, sigh, moan and just hurt.

We can ask ourselves, “What can I do for you right now?”

We can be really ballsy, wear our heart on our sleeve and ask a trusted friend for an extra-large serving of support.

We can curl up in child’s pose and cry into our yoga mats.

We can write, paint, dance and sing our hurt, our passionate pain, our wicked grief, and express it no-holds-barred, creating magical art from our madness.

We can cue up an angsty, melancholy playlist and sob or scream or tremble till our hearts slip into a soothed state.

We can reach out, take our own hand and squeeze it hard.

Yes.

There are a thousand beautiful things we can do to support ourselves.

So let’s vow now to never, ever abandon our sweet selves again.

Ever.

Because, yes, some days are incredibly tough.

But they can be really juicy, too.

They can be transformative.

They can be beautiful.

They can be filled with inspiration.

They can be chock-full of creativity.

They can be exactly what we need.

So, let’s be bold and stick around.

Let’s be badass and meet those tough days head on.