Struggling to ge grateful for the fleeting things. Struggling to not feel to blame when I don't get what I want in my life. I guess it's natural to want to keep doing the things that make you feel good. Struggling with allowing myself to have that want and to be ok with not having it fulfilled.
I'm recognizing that I've fallen back into the habits of grasping and seeing only lack. it is hard to let go of the habit of thinking things should be a certain way in order to feel happy or even ok....
Struggling to arrange my thinking that I can only get what I need from a certain type of relationship...that one is particularly hard. I don' know if that is learned behavior, though, like I started to say. I remember seeing a study years ago that if a babies parent ignored them, even if they weren't actually in distress, the baby would suffer from that lack. I guess as adults we are supposed to have the emotional maturity to handle that. Oopps...?
Noooo....not oops. How was I supposed to learn that? Certainly not from any relationship I've ever had, be it parents, friends or partners. AND....it takes practice....then things change, and you have to tweak it and practice another way. I have to forgive myself for not being perfect. And for thinking I shouldn't feel these things OR for thinking I shouldn't be struggling.
We do need connection, I am just struggling to not cling to that need....not place expectations that another person has to fulfill that. Should I be able to give that to myself? I knot inner connection, sure and we are all connected as humans....but am I crazy in thinking that companionship is a need? Or have we just so underdeveloped our connection to our inner selves, that we've relied on that.
This is all ego talking....they've taken over for the time being.....
yes. definitely, I've even had it come to my mind in recent days that I still have a woundedness that surfaced...
has my left brain taken over? I'm noticing this all saying the same thing essentially as previously....but in a more objective way. I wonder....maybe that side of my brain is the side that tries to control, through logic. So I'm falling back on habits of protection. That would fit. Not to mention I really don't like this crying emotional side...haha.
I'm recognizing that I've fallen back into the habits of grasping and seeing only lack. it is hard to let go of the habit of thinking things should be a certain way in order to feel happy or even ok....
Struggling to arrange my thinking that I can only get what I need from a certain type of relationship...that one is particularly hard. I don' know if that is learned behavior, though, like I started to say. I remember seeing a study years ago that if a babies parent ignored them, even if they weren't actually in distress, the baby would suffer from that lack. I guess as adults we are supposed to have the emotional maturity to handle that. Oopps...?
Noooo....not oops. How was I supposed to learn that? Certainly not from any relationship I've ever had, be it parents, friends or partners. AND....it takes practice....then things change, and you have to tweak it and practice another way. I have to forgive myself for not being perfect. And for thinking I shouldn't feel these things OR for thinking I shouldn't be struggling.
We do need connection, I am just struggling to not cling to that need....not place expectations that another person has to fulfill that. Should I be able to give that to myself? I knot inner connection, sure and we are all connected as humans....but am I crazy in thinking that companionship is a need? Or have we just so underdeveloped our connection to our inner selves, that we've relied on that.
This is all ego talking....they've taken over for the time being.....
yes. definitely, I've even had it come to my mind in recent days that I still have a woundedness that surfaced...
has my left brain taken over? I'm noticing this all saying the same thing essentially as previously....but in a more objective way. I wonder....maybe that side of my brain is the side that tries to control, through logic. So I'm falling back on habits of protection. That would fit. Not to mention I really don't like this crying emotional side...haha.
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