It's hard to just allow things to be as they are. I am sorely reminded at times. We are so conditioned to try to make ourselves OR others feel better, that at times we aren't truthful about our experience. And that's all this really is, is an experience. Oft times (yes, I just said oft), we are so focused on an expectation or an outcome, that we forget. I get stuck in expectations a lot of the time, we are taught to HAVE expectations, that if you act this way, someone else should act that way.....and so on.....but all the while we are not only robbing that person of their own experience by expecting them to meet our expectations, but also robbing ourselves of our experience of ourselves and that person.
I think we can still share how we feel about our experience, the rough thing is, then the other person often will judge themselves based on that observation. THEN they share their experience, which is good, as long as it's shared constructively and you are willing to hear and not get defensive or judge yourself. It's ok to have differing experiences, even at the threat of it meaning a relationship may not continue. What's important, I think anyway, is sharing what feels true for you about the experience and allowing yourself and the other person to feel those truths without judgement. It's not about blame, no one is more right than the other.
It is hard tho. You want what you want, you know what you need from a relationship for it to grow and you find yourself wanting someone to act in other ways. You have to continuously remind yourself- if that is who they are, you have to allow that. If it is not who they really are, you have to allow that too. It's not about you, it's not about what you need, it's about their experience.
I am trying to really allow people to show up HOWEVER they are going to show up. I might wish it were different, but I would not rob of your experience. I would not want to make your feel less by applying my own expectations to you. I want you to be your own true expression and not one driven by fear.
You can only do what feels right for you and maybe that will resonate for someone, maybe it won't, and that's ok, because you were true to yourself.
I think we can still share how we feel about our experience, the rough thing is, then the other person often will judge themselves based on that observation. THEN they share their experience, which is good, as long as it's shared constructively and you are willing to hear and not get defensive or judge yourself. It's ok to have differing experiences, even at the threat of it meaning a relationship may not continue. What's important, I think anyway, is sharing what feels true for you about the experience and allowing yourself and the other person to feel those truths without judgement. It's not about blame, no one is more right than the other.
It is hard tho. You want what you want, you know what you need from a relationship for it to grow and you find yourself wanting someone to act in other ways. You have to continuously remind yourself- if that is who they are, you have to allow that. If it is not who they really are, you have to allow that too. It's not about you, it's not about what you need, it's about their experience.
I am trying to really allow people to show up HOWEVER they are going to show up. I might wish it were different, but I would not rob of your experience. I would not want to make your feel less by applying my own expectations to you. I want you to be your own true expression and not one driven by fear.
You can only do what feels right for you and maybe that will resonate for someone, maybe it won't, and that's ok, because you were true to yourself.
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